Goodbye, House

Yesterday I was home in Dallas for the last time until Thanksgiving. Now, I know that many college students younger than me go through this kind of thing all the time. But I don't know them and I don't care.

It was hard.

I realized as I was sitting in the living room yesterday afternoon that I wasn't going to see my pets again until that time. This is a big deal, as I grew up with pets my whole life; they're part of the family. And up until now I've had the privilege to come home frequently and see my family and them. Now I'm going to have to wait several months before that happy, furry reunion.

Then I realized that I was no longer just “off at college”. I was really moving away. My house in Dallas is no longer going to be my house. It will always be my home, but from now on I'm going to have to make a new home that's really my own.

As these realizations dawned on me, I couldn't help but start to feel the sting of tears. I was doing okay holding it all in until I made eye contact with my dad, and then all blubbering broke loose. He came over and sat with me on the couch, holding me close and I let myself feel little again and just held on for dear life. My mom scooted over and Annie sat with us, too. Matt was asleep, but I know that in his dreams he was sitting beside us as well. We all sat there together for a few minutes, silent and knowing that a lot of things were about to change forever.

Growing up is great. I love it. I love taking steps forward. But no one ever tells you that those steps also inevitably come with grief, and that no matter how exciting the step forward is, it comes with changes. More and more, I'm starting to get used to that fact of life.